Requisite End of 2009 Post Full of Lists and Shit

I think the title pretty much says it all, so let's get started shall we?

2009, i don't really know what to say to you. In some aspects, you were lightyears better than 2008, but you still managed to throw a bunch of shit at the wall just to see what stuck.  2009, you can take your late mornings, your crappy computer, and your last-ditch-effort-engagement rings with you. You can take your cleanses and your drama and your Yankees World Series too.  Put your crappy motivation back on the shelf. Goodbye Myspace and Friendster and feeling pressure to write about dumb people on Craigslist. See ya, non-decorated, poor feng shui office, you've already started to crumble into something prettier.

Yoga, you can stay.

The Pine Cone Wreath

ugh, okay so you're just going to have to deal with the shitty photos from my phone since my own camera is missing its charger. Apologies for blurriness and other things, but you'll get the idea. I promise. If not, well, next year. Or something. And i'll have you know that all baking and creating and being Martha gave me an opthalmic migrane, so y'all better appreciate. Photos in installments. A series of Martha!

Oh and i didn't take photos of the chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, peanut butter blossoms, or bark candies because i figured you all know what that stuff looks like. The trifle, however, is totally documented.

so let's talk about wreaths.

decided to go all natural, and had them picked straight off the trees and grounds of the garden state pine barrens. i won't lie, this is less about me being sustainable and creative and thrifty and more so because doogie howser mocked me for buying pine cones in the fall. "who BUYS pine cones?  i can get you all the pine cones you want for free!"  to be fair, they were POTPOURRI pine cones.  regardless, i ended up with a giant shopping bag full of pine cones and not enough vases to fill with them. so... wreath.

my friend radman (who is a self-proclaimed Marty Stewart [Martha's male counterpart]) and I spent a solid couple hours on this one Sunday night. for the record, that crafty bitch makes it sound SO EASY on her website.  as you'll see, my wreath is half the size of hers and there is absolutely no way that i could have possibly wrapped anymore floral wire around that piece even if i tried. bunions. of the finger nature. that shit hurt. hot glue guns are HIGHLY recommended.

the wreath started out looking like the equivalent to Charlie Brown's christmas tree. i probably should have taken photos of the wreath in that stage because it was truly, spectacularly horrible. my only advice is to keep on trucking and just throw a bunch of crap on it. and keep throwing crap on it. and when you think you're close to being finish, just throw some more crap onto it. what do you got, bells? throw some bells on there.  balls? everyone loves christmas balls. twigs, sticks, hersey's kisses? whatever, all of it. go to town at michael's. spray some of those pine cones gold if you're feeling jolly. there is no "less is more" or "god is in the details" Mies design restraint when it comes to pine cone wreathing. and get a pretty bow to tie it up all nice. and hang it somewhere while you work, but not up too high, lest your arms get really, really tired. oh, and did i mention that glue gun?

anyway, without further ado, pine cone wreathery:

oh hey!  i found a better photo:

I have still yet to figure out how to de-sap the pine cones and that guy on the left has started to go a little rogue on me.  Next year....

Merry Christmas!

I know how much you people love my drawings and miss my posts, so here's a BONUS TWO IN ONE! Just because it's Christmas!


I know, I know, I shouldn't have.


Merry Christmas Internet! I hope the World Wide Web got you everything you asked for this Christmas (like Twitter never shutting down?)!

Anyway, enjoy this ecard.  Sorry it doesn't sing to you or move or anything, but it's HAND DRAWN.  How many cards did you get in the mail that were hand drawn? 

No, seriously, happy holidays.

Penguins Like Christmas, too

Hey look! A post to hold you over! 

And yes, I KNOW the penguins don't have any arms or flippers.  They're bad ass penguins who don't even NEED flippers.  Head butting is how you show true love.

And naturally, Javier has to stand me up with his hand drawn, not photoshopped awesome Penguin Jock Jams scene:

And now, a little haiku to supplement:

Penguins like to dance.

Be aggressive! B! E! A-

gressive! Hit it, yo.

I Need These.

I need these something turrrrrible. 

I have been on a complete country cowboy kick lately.  Then S. told me about her thanksgiving trip to Nashville and I was so jealous.  I want to drink whiskey in a honkytonk with a guy yellin' "hhhhhheeeellllllllllllllllllll yeeeeeeeeeeeeyahhhhh!" In these boots.

I Want That.  So Bad. 


This just in: I'm changing the holiday season into a Countrytime Christmas.  That's right, bring your cowboy boots and your pink lemonade cause we're gonna spike it with vodka and listen to Garth Brooks.  And just so we're all clear: I'm talking Reba-Country and not Foxworthy-Redneck here.  Actually, i'm talking Carrie Underwood holy hotness country here. 

It occurs to me every once in awhile that I might just be a southern belle stuck in a fast-talkin' yankee bitch body.  This is one of those whiles.

I am now trying to decide if i can stay brunette or if i'm going to have to strip my hair and bleach it blonde.  Sorry, Martina.