on the flyers and lord stanley

i have the sads. the flyers are going to the stanley cup. why is this so sads, you may ask? well, the sads is because i haven't paid much attention to hockey in years. i have the sads because i am not a real flyers fan anymore, when this is clearly the most awesomest time to be one since seventh grade. which, coincidentally may have been when both my interest and the talent of the flyers peaked. it's been crash and burn ever since.

i still wish i had my Lindros in front of the art museum poster up. he was a dreamboat, that eric. my mom loved john leclair. and then my dad told me that "brind'amour" meant lover of bread and i thought that was a stupid last name for a hockey player. but since then, my parents have traded in their season tickets for a house in the poconos and i'm pretty sure i only went to one game with my sis and the parentals this year. maybe two games, but i'm pretty sure just one.

so i am getting back in the game and to start i will now present to you...
My Awesometastic Slash Based on Nothing Really Factually Relevant and/or Perhaps Even Remotely Correct Guide to the 2010 Eastern Conference Champs Slash YOUR Philadelphia Flyers:

Hartnell - he has the crazy hair and i bet he's probably pretty goofy in the locker room. i'm talking whoopie pad crap.

The Center City Line - i think this one got fucked up when one of them got traded but i still really like the idea of an awesome line like the Legion of Doom. MOAR WITTY LINE NAMES, PLZ.

Jeff Carter - the one that my sister likes. the one the whole delaware valley likes.

Simon Gagne - the only one who's been on the team for a super long time anymore. his last name means "win." IT'S DESTINY, BITCHES.

Danny Briere - sounds like he'd be totally hot, but i'm pretty sure he's not. also, maybe starred in some sort of Buffalo-centric eastern motors rip off type commercial

That Guy That Everyone Calls "Lappy" - he probably knows a good dentist in philly if you're in the market

Carcillo -  likes to fight people. if they made a bobblehead out of him, they'd probably just give him bobble gloves instead

Cote - i feel like i should know something about him, but i'm at a total loss

Mike Richards - he's like Charlie Conway in my childhood favorite movie the Mighty Ducks (the original). all around good guy. the captain.

You don't really need to know any of the defensive guys except maybe Pronger and Kimmo, who is pretty much an ancient sage at this point.

As for the goalies, my brother tells me that Bouche is a douche who can't make easy saves so they replaced him with some guy is who is lightening on ice, if lightening could be on ice and not melt it. coincidentally, the new kid's name is Leighton so let's just go ahead and bring on all the "leight-ening" puns now. and sads for Emery who i feel is pretty cool, but he's stuck being injured.

Lauren Hart is pretty much the coolest chick ever and i've had a mad girl crush on her ever since i heard her sing. i kind of want to be lauren hart. i hear she has a record. and look, i get that she's no Kate Smith, but KS died when i was two.

That Fat Dancing Guy Named Shawny - i am positive that his title needs no more elaboration, but he has a myspace if you really need more information.

Sign Guy - again, not much more elaboration needed.

and you know what else i know? I KNOW THAT DIRECTV DOESN'T SHOW A SINGLE GAME OF THE FLYERS ON OUR TELEVISION PACKAGE ANYWAY SO EVEN IF I WANTED TO WATCH, I COULDN'T. I'D haaaaaaaaaaave TO GO TO THE BAR AND SOCIALIZE OR ELSE LISTEN TO IT ON THE RADIO which totally isn't the same or nearly as cool AS LISTENING TO THE PHILS ON THE RADIO AND I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I ALREADY TRIED IT THE OTHER NIGHT.

if it gives me anymore street cred, CLove and i went to the Flyers Wives Fight For Lives carnival this year (thanks, her boss!) and we played that fishing game where everyone is guaranteed a prize because we are the people who need prizes guaranteed. i snagged DOS bags with my fishing line and got to pick between a plastic lunch box and mini frisbee or a teeshirt. i now have a bright orange flyers teeshirt, so there's that. that gives me some more street cred, right?

also, it's as cold as an ice rink in my office, so i thought that should also count as points for me.

AND i had two teeth removed last week (more on that later), so i'm really feeling an extra special kinship to lappy and the gang recently.

and you know what else? one person can't even finish a full deep dish pizza themselves unless you want to end up Biggest Loser so plus one (finally) for the cheesesteak! bring it, chicago.


LET'S. GO. FLYERS.
clap. clap. clapclapclap.

and here, i made you this flyers heart to prove my love: