i solemnly swear to not talk about placenta or post a picture of it. otherwise, enjoy the story of my birth:
26 years ago, my momma was just hanging out a day before my due date when she started to have back pains. just kidding, momma - you're in labor! she didn't even REALIZE it until our neighbor said, "peggy ann, for real, woman, you're having a baby." ahhh, so to the hospital they go.
mom wasn't totally dilated yet, so dad hung out in the hallway with the doc and the nurse. the doctor mentioned an article he had just read in a medical journal that stated that normal/average/regular dudes have seven to ten erections a night. he was in the process of trying to convince his wife to stay up all night one day to run a tally. he wanted to see if he was average.
so then, the nurse mentioned that she was hungry or thirsty or wanted to get away from erection talk or something, so the doc told her to go grab something to eat while they waited for me.
half an hour later, a really tall nurse comes back and says, "ZOMG you'll NEVER GUESS what just happened! Nurse 1 was just in the cafeteria getting tea and the water from the machine splashed out and HIT HER IN THE EYE, burning it! she just went to the ER." no big. sorry, Nurse 1. welcome to my delivery, Nurse 2.
so Nurse 2 joins my dad and the doc and they head into the delivery room. the doc is moving things around and there is this huge, giant metal lamp that he readjusts to see better. as he's moving it, the big tall nurse walks right into it, slicing a GIANT BLEEDING GASH across her forehead. Nurse 2 down for the count and out to the ER herself. oy vey. peace out Nurse 2, please come in Nurse 3. we're having a party here! Nurse 3 enters and apparently manages to make it through my delivery without sustaining any type of emergency medical care. unclear how she managed that, but good on her.
drama drama drama and i wasn't even breathing air yet. whatevs. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
oh, and happy independence day to you!