the jean pants are taking over the world. THE WORLD. first, there were jean yoga pants. and now there are jean snow pants. and that one male skater had some overalls on last night. a skating jean overall costume.
dear god, jeans! where do you stop with this world domination?? i know they can't be that cool, since johnny weir didn't wear them.
but back to the snowboarding jean-pant-things because my god, i am so jealous of those pants, i can't even say. not even kidding, i would look so much cooler wearing these jean type things than i did on my previous snowboarding expedition. you can even judge for yourself, you judgers:
see? those jean snow pants would have helped immensely. plus maybe my hair not being all gigantic mess in the face everywhere. i need a shaun white headband. and that cute little plaid jacket. and also, that bandanna, or any bandanna really, because MY GOD, DID THE WIND BURN LIKE MOTHERFUCKER. scarves did not help. not one bit. you need a cool gangsta bandanna to do super tricks like Get Down The Mountain Without Killing Yourself and Try Not to Hit Anyone Else, Especially Not That Adorable Five Year Old on the Skis Because You Are Twenty Years Older Him and So Much Larger and You Will Probably End His Life If You Crash Into Him So Why Don't You Just Fall Down On Your Ass Right Now Instead Because His Parents Would Probably Appreciate That More Than an Emergency Trip to the Emergency Room. though, perhaps i don't need a lucky bandanna because i managed to get those tricks down.
and i know you're judging about the helmet so i'm going to give you this little anecdote:
two of my friends recently sustained major/minor head jostling and decided to wear their own helmets to the slopes. i asked the rental ticket guy if all the cool kids wore helmets. he said, "well, uh, do you value your head?" blondie next to him chimes in all snarktastic with her 17 years of glorious wisdom and coolness: "i value MY head and I don't wear one of those." the dude whips around and says, "and you ran into a concrete wall." done. for twelve dollars more, done. yes, i value my head. ALSO, DUDE, you didn't tell me that shaun white wears one! shame shame shame. awful helmets and head lice for all! on second thought, perhaps we should all buy our own helmets. they'll be way cooler and you can probably get hearts and hipster naval stars and swallows decaled all over them.
also, Visa, i'd really like to win the sweepstakes for attending the olympics for the rest of my life. consider this my entry, thanks.