I've got a little story for you today. It's a slightly old story, but with a new twist.
Yesterday, I was walking home from the doctor's office shortly after the lunch rush started. Minding my own business, just trying to get home. I cross JFK, near City Hall, headed south. In front of me, on the island at 15th and JFK, an older woman pulls up her long, flowy, hippie-dippie skirt and proceeds to start peeing.
PEEING. She lets it all out, like a fire hydrant, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ISLAND. It was a solid pee. The gal's clearly drinking her eight cups of water a day, I'll just say that. When she finishes, she just drops her skirt back into place and moves over to crosswalk and waits for the light to turn green. Like nothing happened, like she didn't just pee in front of Michael Nutter's window.
I was appalled. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to yell, "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS CITY IS YOUR PRIVATE TOILET, LADY!?" But I didn't. I mean, the woman lifted her skirt to squat in public, who knows how she would have reacted to confrontation.
There weren't any cops in the near vicinity, so she didn't get arrested and by the time I passed a cop, what was I going to do? Say, "Yes, excuse me sir, but someone just peed on the island. You might wanna call someone to get a mop out there." As of that point yesterday, our libraries weren't even staying open, let alone sending a Pee Crew out to wash away the public outhouse known as City Hall.
And just because I'm not sure that y'all really understand what was happening here, I've created a little image to go along with my narrative. Thanks, Google Street View!!