a suburban-city girl stumbling her way through central PA.
Showing posts with label philadelphian coozery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philadelphian coozery. Show all posts

2.16.2010

you are so gross, mac salade.


Wawa Macaroni Salad, Net Weight 5 oz (142g)

Amount Per Serving:

Calories: 500
Total fat: 42g (65% DV)
Sat fat: 7g (35% DV)
Trans fat: 1g
Cholest: 50mg (17% DV)
Sodium: 960mg (40% DV)
Total carb: 38g (13% DV)
Fiber:1g (4% DV)
Sugars: 12g
Protein: 5g
Vitamin A: 20% DV
Calcium: 2% DV
Iron: 8% DV


I somehow accidentally got macaroni salad instead of mac and cheese from wawa. And before you get up in my shit about getting wawa mac and cheese in the first place, sometimes you just want some GD cheese covering up some macaroni, so playa please! i was in a hurry. clearly i was in a hurry, because i somehow pushed the magical button for macaroni salad instead of macaroni and cheese. while completely disappointed about this, i decided to try said mac salad.

let me tell you right now, as your own personal secret shopper and buyer extraordinaire, do not, under any circumstances go near this macaroni salad. i don't even care if you are on The Road, running from a pack of crazy canibals who are about to kill you and your son and bbq the two of you up like roast duck, stay the fuck away. do. not. eat. not only does it tastes like vomit stewed in mayo, it's got 40% THAT'S FOR-TY PUH-CENT WHICH IS LIKE F'ING HALF of your daily value of sodium. half of your daily Na, atomic number 11. you may as well just chug from a salt shaker. disgusto.

but don't take my word for it.


11.25.2009

Things I Meant To Tweet, Edition 1

I think the title is pretty self explanatory.  Things I meant to tweet but didn't.  These come from last night's Drexel-Penn basketball game at the Palestra.  I don't even like basketball.  The rivalry proved awe-inspiring, however.


Penn Sign to Drexel:


-Drexel, can you read this?
-Can you read anything?

HIYO!  GET IT!?  'CAUSE DREXEL'S NOT AN IVY LEAGUE AND THEREFORE DOESN'T TEACH LITERACY!  AAAAHHAAAAAHA!  OBVS.


Drexel Sign to Penn:

- AJ Drexel, the man who built Wall St.
- Wharton grads, the men who took it down

HIYO!  GET IT!?  'CAUSE ALL PENN KIDS ARE SILLY WHARTONS!

Penn to Drexel:

-Mario is a FLAMER

HIYO!  GET IT?!  'CAUSE THE DREXEL MASCOT IS A DRAGON!  HILARIOUS!  GAY JOKES! HIGH FIVES!


Drexel Chant to Penn:

Homo!
Phobic!

HIYO!  GET IT!?  'CAUSE WE'RE RETALIATING SINCE THEY CALLED MARIO GAY, BUT WE'RE ALSO SUBTLY CALLING THEM HOMOS!  TOUCHE!  HIGH FIVES!



You stay classy, Philadelphian college students.  You too, Dragondog.



Mario DragonDog Photo from: http://walkthiswayllc.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/halloween-pictures/

11.04.2009

SEPTA Strike Part 2

Hey y'all.  How's that day two feelin?  Apparently the train cars are combusting and Amtrak's hopping in on the train delay fun, too.  Fun.  Market East was relatively quiet for the second day in a row. 

The cabbies were again seemingly non-existent this morning, probably due to an large increase in their morning rides.

And how about you guys walking?  At least it's not raining.  Or snowing.  Or sleeting. 

And all y'all biking the striking?  How is that going?

And now, for a guest blog!  Woohoo!

"So, I'm hoofing it to work this morning again, trying to be positive about my forced 1.5 mile walk, when, in the middle of the crowded Market Street sidewalk....
BOOM! A guy on a bike plows into me! Hits me pretty hard.

I, of course, yell, "Hey, get off the damn sidewalk!" He starts screaming at me that I can't be upset since he (apparently) said "Excuse Me" before plowing into me.

I am so f'ing sick and tired of bikers on the damn sidewalk. It's one thing when it's a relatively quiet street at an off-hour, when the person is trying to be polite. It's still not really okay (since it's rude and illegal), but I'm not going to raise a fuss. It's another thing to do it during AM rush hour, on MARKET Street, when the sidewalk is packed because SEPTA is on STRIKE. And it's an even bigger thing to think that it's no-big-deal to HIT a PEDESTRIAN. He was so f'ing cavalier about the whole thing, like he was just some guy who bumped his shoulder into mine. No, buddy, you HIT me with your BIKE, going at a rather brisk clip!
I'm so sick of this shit. First K. (although I suppose she wasn't technically on a sidewalk). The guy who ended up DEAD...  The police should be f'ing ticketing every one of these assholes who refuses to follow the law by riding in the street.
What the hell can we do to stop this? I'm all for bikes in the city. I really am. I want more bike lanes and I want tickets for cars who don't respect bikers. But I also want the bikers off the f'ing sidewalks, which are for PEDESTRIANS. Just like it's no real contest between a bike and a car (the car always wins), it's no real contest between a person and a bike. The dead guy from two weeks ago should have taught us that."

The SEPTA strike is hard for us all.  Everyone has been affected, whether they ride SEPTA  frequently, occasionally, or not at all.  Will ticketing help?  They've tried it already in DC.  They've also ticketed jaywalkers.  So, is more policing the answer? 

Perhaps it is.

But perhaps, it's deeper than that.  I've written about it before.  What we need more of in this city is brotherly love.  We can all rally around the Phils, pedestrians, cyclists, drivers, all of us.  But once we get onto the road, it's full-on warfare.  Drivers, you need to share the road with the cyclists.  They're here and they're not going anywhere.  Cabbies, you're the same as drivers, so you pay attention too.  Cyclists, you have a few bike lanes.  They are yours and only yours.  Please use them.  The sidewalks are for pedestrians.  The Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia said it themselves: Bicyclists are not pedestrians with two wheels. 

And hey, pedestrians?  Get off your damn phone.  And just so y'all don't think i'm a hypocrite, I hereby pledge to stop tweeting while walking.

Now, even more so than before, we all need to stop being angry and running around like a bunch of Mac and Charlies.  The need for everyone to coexist in the city is becoming greater by the day.  These factions we've created as a society, based on our commuting preferences, have completely clouded our judgments as a whole. 

The strike will undoubtedly get worse before it gets any better.  You don't have to sing Kumbaya with each other, but it'd be nice to be nice.


"Fail Rail" by brhefele

11.03.2009

On SEPTA

I'm suppporting SEPTA and the union on this.  That doesn't mean this morning's commute didn't suck.  Maybe I'm supporting because I have other options to get to work (regional rail, cab, even walking forty minutes).  Or maybe because the biggest responsibility for another creature in my life involves a sad little ivy and some even sadder lucky bamboo.  But I like to think that I'm supporting the union because this issue is about being fair.

Before we start jumping on the "Be grateful you HAVE a job, Local 234" band wagon (since we will be using band wagons to get around town until this gets sorted out), we should look at a few facts first.

Contract negotiations are for a four year contract.  No one is getting a raise right now - we all know that - but in the next four years, the economy will probably bounce back and we'll all be back to getting our merit and performance raises just like we're used to.  If SEPTA goes with the city's proposal, they will end up with a 4% raise over the next four years.  1% a year.  Which is not a big deal in the end.  1%.  ONE PERCENT.  For the next four years.  So even if the economy is soaring with rainbow-colored ribbons in two years and stays steadily at that, SEPTA will still be locked into their measley raise of one percent a year.

The current median yearly salary for a bus driver in Philadelphia is $25,100 while the median yearly of bus drivers nationwide is $33,900.  So even if we give SEPTA their FOUR PERCENT OVER FOUR YEARS raise (GASP!)  the average bus driver in Philly will still be making 20% less than all those over bus drivers.  Where are the cushy bus driving wages?  Are they in cities that are full of potholes, traffice, absent minded pedestrians with ipods, and vigilante cyclists?  With all that our bus drivers have to deal with, I'd be pretty pissed too if someone told me that they weren't even going to give me a few bones to inch me closer to the national average.

Let's do some quick math here.  One percent of $25,100 is $251 dollars.  I'm averaging here for the sake of averaging.  $251 a year is $4.83 a week.  That's what the raise the union is asking for.  Five dollars more a week.  The city won't agree to that.  Our bus drivers aren't worth that.

Here's the other problem: the people making these big contract decisions - are they even paying attention to the system?  On a daily level?  Of course not.  It's widely known that in the District of Columbia, the people who sit on the Board for WMATA do not ride the system regularly.  Those people, in fact, get discounted (perhaps even free) parking in the city.  How committed are you, Sir or Ma'am Metro Director, to fixing the problems of the system if you aren't even inherently familiar with the system?

It's the bigwigs who are holding this thing up.  Not your bus driver.  Remember that.

Also, remember that for an extra five dollars a week, you'd be pissed too.

Photo by lindseyweb

10.21.2009

An Open Letter To Television Commercials

Dear TBS,

I have had enough.

I used to LOVE guacamole.

I used to LOVE taco bell (a very long time ago, but still).

I indeed HAVE DirecTv.

I am going to SCREAM and throw a remote control through my own television if I see one more cotdamn commercial involving Hess Avocados, Black Tacos, and Fairy Fucking Fergie one more time.

Can we please get some new commercials up in this joint? I don't care if they are piss poor and shoddily thrown together, but I need new material. I have been dreaming nightmaring about Fergie feeding me tacos filled with guac from an elephant for days on end now. It has to stop. I don't want to see another Black Taco. I dont want to look at a Black Taco slideshow. I dont want photoshopping Black Tacos taking over the world. Too much.

I must inform you all, it's time to hop off the Blacktacobandwagon. Let's just continue on our way to Oregon on foot. It's better this way. Just watch out for those rattlesnake bites.

Less Black Taco.

More Children Dressed Up In Phanatic Costumes In Front Of Child-Eating Tigers (via phillyzoo twitters).

Sincerely,
Me

9.23.2009

Bike Lanes And YOU!

Here comes the wrath of God: the bike lanes are officially open today. In case you were unaware, the City of Philadelphia has removed one lane of traffic from both Spruce and Pine streets to allow for a lane for cycle-specific vehicles.

Unfortunately, people either 1. do not know or 2. do not care.

The radio was full of idiots this morning calling in to complain. One of the largest complaints was that the city is already congested enough and the motorists NEED those traffic lanes. "They go from river to river!" they cried.

I live on Spruce. I walk part of it almost every day. It's probably one of the least congested streets in all of Center City Proper. That's probably why the city picked those streets, instead of Chestnut or Walnut or Market. The volume of traffic on Spruce pales in comparison to Walnut, which runs in the same direction. Perhaps it will change. Perhaps the advent of the bike lane will cause more congestion in motor vehicle only lane on Spruce. Perhaps, but we will have to wait and see.

This morning I saw the bike lane being used as both a driving lane of traffic and a loading lane. The lanes are clearly marked on the street with a bike symbol. Since it's only the first official day, I guess I should give drivers a few days to figure it out. While clearly marked on the street, there are not a lot of signs up. I spied a crumbled "Bike Lane Coming Soon" paper sign strewn in the gutter the other day. You might want to consider a more permanent sign, Philadelphia.

The most unfortunate thing about these lanes, however, is the amount of bitterness and hatred it brings out in people. One woman even suggested hitting cyclists if you should see one in the driving lane when there is a bike lane available. She actually said that. She actually advocated for violent action against other human beings. On the radio. Not in her house, not in her car, on the radio.

In a city that is up in arms over the signing of Michael Vick, it makes me question something I read a few weeks ago, back when the signing was fresh (though, for the life of me, I cannot find to link back). But it made me think, do we value the lives of animals over the lives of other human beings? Perhaps it is because we believe dogs are defenseless when they are being strung up a tree. But how is a person on a bicycle NOT defenseless against a two-ton hunk of metal flying down the road at 30 MPH? Is it because we can easily write it of with a "they should have known"? As in, "they should have known to stay in their own lane and not get in my way." Because we can't share the road. No one wants to. We are all selfish, bikers, drivers, pedestrians alike. We all get around like we own the city streets, that it belongs to us, and that those other people are using it wrong or inefficiently, thus causing us to be inefficient. And God forbid that. We hold our own race to a higher standard, because we have our own thoughts, volition, and free will. Is that the reason for the disconnect? Because we can stand up for our rights, instead of barking for them?

Another caller said, "there are more of us than there are them." In other words, cyclists shouldn't have the right to their own bike lane because they are a minority.

I was wrong to call these people idiots. They do bring up valid concerns on congestion in the city. What they don't bring up is solutions. Everything, on both sides, is "mine, mine, mine." Again, because no one is willing to share the road. The city is not a wasteland that we can continually grow outwards. The city government can't just go around widening streets, knocking down blocks of homes and businesses just to accommodate a parking lane, two lanes of traffic, a bike lane, a sidewalk, and some buffers in between. Perhaps that would work in theory. Perhaps we could all get along if there was a giant expanse of road that allowed for everyone to travel at will at the same time. What would make this road even more amazing would be the lane for the subway/light rail/whatever. But it's all a theory, it would look totally ugly if it were actually implemented and the fact of the matter is that it can't be implemented. We just don't have that much land to dedicate to transportation. And why would we even want to?

Since we can't expand outwards exponentially, we must look for solutions within the confines of the grid. We need to look at ourselves and how our own actions are helping or hindering our city environment before getting caught up in a finger pointing of who's fault it is.

We can start by being nice. Or at the very least, being respectful of others. The bike lanes on Spruce and Pine are there, whether you like it or not. Do not use these lanes as your own personal vendetta against bikers or as a middle finger to The Man. Don't cut each other off so you can make the right hand turn first. And cyclists? Be appreciative and respectful of the cars on the road. You are a delicate being on delicate equipment up against a car who is the antithesis of delicate. In reality, it won't matter to you who's wrong or who's right if you're dead.

So, Philly, can we start there, by being more respectful towards the people in our own city? Can we?

***EDIT***

Center City Philadelphia has put up some thoughts about the bike lanes on their website. I wholeheartedly agree with each bullet point:

Center City’s topography makes this an easy city to bike in. But those cities that have built real bicycle cultures and made a significant mode shift in commuting patterns have built extensive communication systems, including:

  • signs or road painting to indicate when drivers can enter the bike lane to
    make right turns;
  • signs that warn drivers to yield to bikes when turning right and remind them
    in general that cyclists have equal rights to the road;
  • Parking, standing, and stopping rules indicating limitations in the bike
    lane.
  • Bikers also need education on when and how they should turn left from the
    bike lane, how to cross vehicular traffic to turn left and reminders that with
    safe streets, sidewalks are for pedestrians;

9.18.2009



I've got a little story for you today. It's a slightly old story, but with a new twist.

Yesterday, I was walking home from the doctor's office shortly after the lunch rush started. Minding my own business, just trying to get home. I cross JFK, near City Hall, headed south. In front of me, on the island at 15th and JFK, an older woman pulls up her long, flowy, hippie-dippie skirt and proceeds to start peeing.

PEEING. She lets it all out, like a fire hydrant, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ISLAND. It was a solid pee. The gal's clearly drinking her eight cups of water a day, I'll just say that. When she finishes, she just drops her skirt back into place and moves over to crosswalk and waits for the light to turn green. Like nothing happened, like she didn't just pee in front of Michael Nutter's window.

I was appalled. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to yell, "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS CITY IS YOUR PRIVATE TOILET, LADY!?" But I didn't. I mean, the woman lifted her skirt to squat in public, who knows how she would have reacted to confrontation.

There weren't any cops in the near vicinity, so she didn't get arrested and by the time I passed a cop, what was I going to do? Say, "Yes, excuse me sir, but someone just peed on the island. You might wanna call someone to get a mop out there." As of that point yesterday, our libraries weren't even staying open, let alone sending a Pee Crew out to wash away the public outhouse known as City Hall.

And just because I'm not sure that y'all really understand what was happening here, I've created a little image to go along with my narrative. Thanks, Google Street View!!




12.29.2008

I Hate You, Carnival Cruise Fun Ship



I finally saw this commercial last night. Lest you forgot, key points include:

- STEEL pinata

- FOAM wrecking ball

- TRAP DOOR to release candy

- POLICE FORCE attempting to control the crowd

- Carnival telling everyone to GO HOME the first time they tried to film this

- Children CRYING
- Parents YELLING

- HIPSTERS galore
I must say that Carnival's film crew did an excellent job at portraying the glorious second attempt at bringing that sucker down.

11.06.2008



i told you all it was fake.

11.03.2008


i'm sure, by now, you've heard. hell, even china is blogging about it.

the world's largest pinata did not drop. (photos to arrive shortly. after wednesday, sometime. sorry. but hey, why don't you just google philadelphia pinata yourself). Operation: Bust or Bust! was a complete... bust. and not in the 8000 pounds of volcanic candy spewing happy sort of way either.

apparently, carnival cruise, not be outdone by their own Fun Ships! decided to bring the Funville to philadelphia. um, would that be Phunville, Carnival? just a thought... they advertised not only free candy, but free ice cream and a potential winning a free cruise. somehow, with all this free stuff, carnival underestimated the Power of Free. free = crowds. rowdy, uncontrollable crowds. full of children. and hipsters. there was a gratuitous amount of hipster around.

BUT WAIT! I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT NEWS THAN HIPSTERS AND FREE CANDY!


we decided not to leave before we had some more info - precisely, we wanted to know that as soon as we stepped out of the gate, they weren't going to take the pinata into the air and smash it. we chatted with part of the film crew, who ASSURED US that the pinata would crash before 4:30 (clearly a bit of a lie).

we did also find out this:

- THE PINATA IS A CONGLOMERATE OF 52,000 POUNDS OF REINFORCED STEEL AND PINATA PAPER STREAMERS.

how are you going to break a 52,000 pound pinata? the answer: YOU DON'T.


the "wrecking ball" is actually made of FOAM. there was no actually breaking of the pinata. there never was going to be any ceremonial smashing, just some fake-ass hitting 52,000 pounds of steel with 25 pounds of foam (disclaimer - i forget just how heavy the foam ball was. it was not that big.) then, trap doors that were going to unleash the eight thousand pounds of candy. IT WAS ALL A SHAM. we were totally had. for some silly commercial that didn't even end up happening.

clearly we are all idiots for thinking that anyone could actually build a six story paper-mache pinata and then hit 8000 pounds of candy with 8000 pounds of steel. where is mythbusters when you need them? wouldnt all of that candy have been smashed to bits? wouldn't we all have had to wear construction hats? why didn't we think about this at 10AM when we were walking to broad and washington for some pre-pinata pho?

i can't even be mad at carnival. who makes a barbie for their cruise line? this is clearly something we should have been expecting.

9.22.2008


let me say two things.

well, first, let me say two things. then i'll say some more.


one - i like to say a lot of things. i like to think that i am right. i am twentysomething; i believe that is what we do. we think we are smarter than everyone else.

two - i hate to retract things that i say. even if they were stupid.


but sadly, i must retract part of my last entry.



you see, i left DC for a lot of reasons. one of the reasons i really made fun of everybody was because of their crackberries and their agendas and their needs to be connected to everything at every time. like obama text messages at 2am. or something equally as lame.


and i associate people with agendas with people with blackberries and the like, because really? who needs email on their phone?


i am a simple phone folk. i want my phone to call people. i also want text messaging capabilities. but that is all. i dont need a shitty-pixeled camera, or shake-to-shuffle ipod technology, or GPS or email on my phone. just a phone. all you people with your pixelated camera, shakey ipod shuffling, email receiving crazy phones, you can take your agendas to DC and have a grand 'ole time checking your email at the bar. woohoo. for me, no thank you.


so when i got to philly, i said THANK GODS FOR NO MORE AGENDA PEOPLE WITH THEIR PHONES WITH EMAIL!



and what do i get today at work? one of those damn new fangled phones with email. thanks, thanks new university job for making me feel agenda'ed. i also already have a breakfast meeting scheduled two weeks from now into my stupid email/schedule/camera/thing that sometimes will make a phone call or two. awesome.


so i must retract.

welcome to my newfound agenda'ed philly lifestyle.

ugh.