The Pine Cone Wreath

ugh, okay so you're just going to have to deal with the shitty photos from my phone since my own camera is missing its charger. Apologies for blurriness and other things, but you'll get the idea. I promise. If not, well, next year. Or something. And i'll have you know that all baking and creating and being Martha gave me an opthalmic migrane, so y'all better appreciate. Photos in installments. A series of Martha!

Oh and i didn't take photos of the chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies, peanut butter blossoms, or bark candies because i figured you all know what that stuff looks like. The trifle, however, is totally documented.

so let's talk about wreaths.

decided to go all natural, and had them picked straight off the trees and grounds of the garden state pine barrens. i won't lie, this is less about me being sustainable and creative and thrifty and more so because doogie howser mocked me for buying pine cones in the fall. "who BUYS pine cones?  i can get you all the pine cones you want for free!"  to be fair, they were POTPOURRI pine cones.  regardless, i ended up with a giant shopping bag full of pine cones and not enough vases to fill with them. so... wreath.

my friend radman (who is a self-proclaimed Marty Stewart [Martha's male counterpart]) and I spent a solid couple hours on this one Sunday night. for the record, that crafty bitch makes it sound SO EASY on her website.  as you'll see, my wreath is half the size of hers and there is absolutely no way that i could have possibly wrapped anymore floral wire around that piece even if i tried. bunions. of the finger nature. that shit hurt. hot glue guns are HIGHLY recommended.

the wreath started out looking like the equivalent to Charlie Brown's christmas tree. i probably should have taken photos of the wreath in that stage because it was truly, spectacularly horrible. my only advice is to keep on trucking and just throw a bunch of crap on it. and keep throwing crap on it. and when you think you're close to being finish, just throw some more crap onto it. what do you got, bells? throw some bells on there.  balls? everyone loves christmas balls. twigs, sticks, hersey's kisses? whatever, all of it. go to town at michael's. spray some of those pine cones gold if you're feeling jolly. there is no "less is more" or "god is in the details" Mies design restraint when it comes to pine cone wreathing. and get a pretty bow to tie it up all nice. and hang it somewhere while you work, but not up too high, lest your arms get really, really tired. oh, and did i mention that glue gun?

anyway, without further ado, pine cone wreathery:

oh hey!  i found a better photo:

I have still yet to figure out how to de-sap the pine cones and that guy on the left has started to go a little rogue on me.  Next year....

Merry Christmas!

I know how much you people love my drawings and miss my posts, so here's a BONUS TWO IN ONE! Just because it's Christmas!


I know, I know, I shouldn't have.


Merry Christmas Internet! I hope the World Wide Web got you everything you asked for this Christmas (like Twitter never shutting down?)!

Anyway, enjoy this ecard.  Sorry it doesn't sing to you or move or anything, but it's HAND DRAWN.  How many cards did you get in the mail that were hand drawn? 

No, seriously, happy holidays.

Penguins Like Christmas, too

Hey look! A post to hold you over! 

And yes, I KNOW the penguins don't have any arms or flippers.  They're bad ass penguins who don't even NEED flippers.  Head butting is how you show true love.

And naturally, Javier has to stand me up with his hand drawn, not photoshopped awesome Penguin Jock Jams scene:

And now, a little haiku to supplement:

Penguins like to dance.

Be aggressive! B! E! A-

gressive! Hit it, yo.

i love you turkey, i love you other things

you love turkey.  i love turkey.  tomorrow is a day to be thankful for turkeys.  i am thankful that i am not a vegetarian, so that i can partake in the turkey.  and because it's not thanksgiving without a hand turkey, i now present to you, circa 1992, with a dash of 2005 college photoshop work, my thanksgiving wishes to each and every one of you:

oh shit, can you peeps read that?

in no particular order, it says:

• 
  
  1. my fingers aren't really this fat, i swear!
  2. <3 the bee
  3. is this an easter egg or what?!
  4. i swear this is a turkey beak.
  5. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
  6. what i can only assume is some sort of cashmere sweater.

and since it's not thankgsiving without a collage, i now present to you, The Bee's Best Thanksgiving Day Photo Collage That 2009 Could Possibly Offer Ever:

Hope you kids like it.  I like it.  That's all that matters, really.  As long as I'm happy.  But did I miss something?  Shout it out, if I missed something superdooper huge.  I think I got it all.  I think. 

And before you people get all "but where are your family and friends!?" on me, they know what pertains to them.  They know.  I don't really love big basses for the hell of it, people.

Happy Thanksgiving!