the listicle in review

earlier this year, i started a list.. it was going to be of all the things i wanted to do in the next year. i think it was going to be 100 things in 1000 days or something to that effect. the sad part is that i never even got to listing 100 really awesome things that i wanted to do so i didn't publicize it much. it pretty much just sat dormant on my computer hard drive until today.

even before going through the list, i can say that in the end, what i spent most of my time doing this year wasn't even something that was on the list. a lot of it was barely even remotely close to being on the list. i spent 200+ hours of my life studying to become a yoga instructor. hours reading the sutras and attempting to meditate and practicing the asanas and all of that. and the closest it got to being on the list was a few yoga poses that i wanted to perfect. or rather, just conform my body into. to be honest, i'm not even sure how close i am to those. let's take a look:


Food (at home)

   1. Make a damn good chili
    this is a truth fact. i made an excellent chili. it took two tries to get it, but it was awesome. i know it was awesome because we came home really drunk one night and everyone ate it all and then asked for seconds. and drunk people never lie.
   2. Use my slow cooker at least twice this year
    i don't believe i've reached this. i don't think i've even used my crock pot once, which is sad because it was all i wanted to christmas two years ago. i have to start using it. it's a spectacular cooking invention.
   3. Make more bundts
    i didn't do this one either, but to be fair, i did spend a lot of time trying my hand at ayurvedic muffins this summer which eventually turned into a bake sale where me and partner in baking crime raised $300 that we donated to Philabundance. so bundts, no, but baking, yes. 
   4. Make my own yogurt
    nope. not even close.
   5. Make my own granola
    also not even on my radar
   6. Cook a meat that’s not chicken or pork (these are my specialties and I have never in my life ever cooked a steak or lamb of even some damned ground beef)
    also, no. this summer my roommate and i got a CSA and even though it was only half a share, we had enough veggies to last us through each week. in fact, for a month after our newest roommate moved in, she thought the two of us were vegetarians because she had never seen either of us cook or eat meat!
   7. Incorporate Ayurvedic theories into meal planning
    in some semblance, yes, but mostly only when i order chinese. and the dosha muffins. there were plenty of dosha muffins to be found this year.
   8. Make my own chicken stock and soup
    chicken stock? no. veggie stock? yes. same same for soups - made a lot of soup this year but none were chicken in nature
   9. Make momma’s chicken and rice
    and no. again with the meat, no. i don't think i've cooked meat in months. i would say at least six months. maybe nine. it's unclear.
  10. This is the supreme goal which is actually another dozen food goals in and of itself but… reinvent and make this year’s Ukrainian Christmas Eve dinner
    sigh. this will definitely not be happening this year which i'm very sad about, but christmas is only a week away and i didn't really do much at all. i will, however, be making the borscht this year, so at least there's that.
Restaurants That I’ve Never Been To

   1. Village Whiskey
    mmm, burgers with S and C. check!
   2. Grace Tavern
    nope, still not yet.
   3. Cafe con Chocolate
    yes and yes.
   4. Kong
    not even close
   5. Buddakan
    yes, with the old roommate!

Books to Finish Reading

   1. Snark, David Denby
    i have come to terms with the fact that i will never finish reading all 60 pages of this book
   2. The Help, Kathryn Stockett
    yes, so good!
   3. The Hour I First Believed, Wally Lamb
    yes, finally! a year later!
   4. The Invisible Wall, Harry Bernstein
    no.   5. Common Wealth, Jeffrey Sachs
    no.
   6. Tuesdays With Morrie, Mitch Albom
    yes!
   7. Cradle to Cradle, Bill Mcdonough
    no.
   8. Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
    no.
   9. Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck
    no.
  10. Why Buildings Stand Up, Mario Salvadori
    no.

Yoga

   1. Set up a home practice of some sort
    yes, kind of, vaguely, okay, maybe not really.
   2. Stick to a yoga schedule (at least 1x a week)
    AHA! yes times a thousand! how about sixteen hours a weekend, listicle???
   3. Get into a full eka pada rajakapotasana
    ugh, sads, no. i am beginning to think that this pose may take years to manifest itself into my body
   4. Take artsy yoga pose photos with Shelb
    nope, but she took them with her bf, so that counts for half?
   5. Arm balances!
    what up, bakasana? what up, working on handstands?   

Travel

   1. Arizona to see Louisa and Mav
    YES PLUS ZOEY.
   2. San Diego to see Jennie
    no, sads. maybe next year

Do This Everyday For A Week/Month? How Long?

   1. Blog
    eh.
   2. Get to work on time
    ooph, mayyybe.
   3. Bedtime at 9 (this may help numero dos)
    ha.
   4. Meditate
    mmmm, three days in row? one time for FORTY FIVE MINUTES. that should count for something, because that fucking HARD.
   5. Run
    dear running, let's you and i never meet again, okay? i love the yoga and i hate you. it's official. sorry, no hard feelings?   

Don’t Do This At ALL For A Week/Maybe Lent?

   1. Twitter
    THE TWITTER HIATUS OF 2K10. RIP @_missbee
   2. Facebook
    hmm. maybe not this one. there have been mini hiati, but i doubt any lasted for a week
   3. Personal email during work
    ha.
   4. Eat meat!
    hmm. maybe, perhaps, not really sure. i didn't keep a good log, but i'd say there's a vaguely 60% this happened.

Etc.

   1. Brush up on my French
    non, je regrette. and i dont even know if that's spelled right.
   2. Donate old clothes that I don’t wear anymore
    in the process. the bags have been sitting in my room for weeks now, just have to take them over to the salvation army.
   3. Organize closet space
    kind of, yes! at least one closet!, no, two!
   4. Win at least once at Johnny Goodtimes quizzo
    hmmm, think not, but we did win a baller last place prize of a hot air balloon calendar! so that counts, i think
   5. Learn how to snowboard
    well, i got on a snowboard. twice. and didn't end up crying in the middle of the mountain or in the hospital, so i think that gets half credit.
   6. Take a class at DU
    yeah no.
   7. Run from home to the Art Museum
    damn you, hc sweatpants.
   8. Finish le Broad Street Run
    didn't even start.
   9. Sky dive
    nope - but i SCUBA DIVED! WHICH WASNT ON THE LIST!
  10. Learn to drive stick shift
    nah
  11. Repot the ivies and other plants
    yes, and bought new plants!
  12. Put up some photos in my office
    yes!



overall, i'd say i didn't hit half the shit on my list, but i wouldn't call it a failure either. i spent a lot of time doing other extracurriculars instead (the yoga training and scuba diving, mostly). and i'm almost finished watching The Wire which is maybe The Best Television Series Of Life.

plus i drove through the blue ridge mountains, sent out an RFP for a potentially $60M+ building project, rearranged my bedroom, ate at zahav, unclogged a sink drain with my own brute strength, used fennel for the first time ever, went to yogaville, learned what the heck tat soi was, made life altering decisions, applied for a new job, threw out half my makeup, won money at the craps table, became lactose intolerant, flew in a helicopter, went to a county fair, and didn't have any completely major mental breakdowns. i said completely major.

so thank you to everyone who bruised a coccyx, got their auras read, felt completely overwhelmed by vegetables, missed a quizzo question, tweeted the crap out of the cliff lee trade, ate brunch, drank girly drinks, spent three hours throwing themselves into handstands, meditated, laughed, cried, played, tried, tweeted about anything really, took photos, played in the snow and drank hot toddies, mopped an overflowing kitchen sink, went to cantina, the phils, the eagles, black sheep, landmark and/or drove more than two hours in a car with me and read my blog this past year. major hearts and friendship dust to all of you.

you are so gross, mac salade.

Wawa Macaroni Salad, Net Weight 5 oz (142g)

Amount Per Serving:

Calories: 500
Total fat: 42g (65% DV)
Sat fat: 7g (35% DV)
Trans fat: 1g
Cholest: 50mg (17% DV)
Sodium: 960mg (40% DV)
Total carb: 38g (13% DV)
Fiber:1g (4% DV)
Sugars: 12g
Protein: 5g
Vitamin A: 20% DV
Calcium: 2% DV
Iron: 8% DV


I somehow accidentally got macaroni salad instead of mac and cheese from wawa. And before you get up in my shit about getting wawa mac and cheese in the first place, sometimes you just want some GD cheese covering up some macaroni, so playa please! i was in a hurry. clearly i was in a hurry, because i somehow pushed the magical button for macaroni salad instead of macaroni and cheese. while completely disappointed about this, i decided to try said mac salad.

let me tell you right now, as your own personal secret shopper and buyer extraordinaire, do not, under any circumstances go near this macaroni salad. i don't even care if you are on The Road, running from a pack of crazy canibals who are about to kill you and your son and bbq the two of you up like roast duck, stay the fuck away. do. not. eat. not only does it tastes like vomit stewed in mayo, it's got 40% THAT'S FOR-TY PUH-CENT WHICH IS LIKE F'ING HALF of your daily value of sodium. half of your daily Na, atomic number 11. you may as well just chug from a salt shaker. disgusto.

but don't take my word for it.

"IT'S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS"

"Gourds" by oskay

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I'm about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it's gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There's a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash."

Colin Nissan, I think love you. I think you might be making fun of me, but I think I love you, regardless. The roommates can tell you, when decor time comes in the apartment, I am a fiend. FIEND. Don't get in my way, I've got BINS of stuff crammed into closets under stairs. Don't ask me how much money I spent at the Christmas Tree Shops this weekend, either. I won't tell you, but just you wait, Spruce Street. It's gonna shine like South Philly at #12 come November 27th.

But back to fall. In years past, I've bought (BOUGHT!!) pine cones from Michael's. The dash of pine coney potpourri smell allows the female in me to permit this silly purchase. But this year, I smartened up and baked (BAKED!!) some pine cones freshly picked from the Jersey pine barrens (thanks, Jersey!!). And made (MADE!!) my own applesauce from scratch. Booyah, suckers. I can make applesauce and arrange some gourds.

Oh, that's right, domesticality. Consider the gauntlet thrown, bitches.

An Open Letter To Television Commercials

Dear TBS,

I have had enough.

I used to LOVE guacamole.

I used to LOVE taco bell (a very long time ago, but still).

I indeed HAVE DirecTv.

I am going to SCREAM and throw a remote control through my own television if I see one more cotdamn commercial involving Hess Avocados, Black Tacos, and Fairy Fucking Fergie one more time.

Can we please get some new commercials up in this joint? I don't care if they are piss poor and shoddily thrown together, but I need new material. I have been dreaming nightmaring about Fergie feeding me tacos filled with guac from an elephant for days on end now. It has to stop. I don't want to see another Black Taco. I dont want to look at a Black Taco slideshow. I dont want photoshopping Black Tacos taking over the world. Too much.

I must inform you all, it's time to hop off the Blacktacobandwagon. Let's just continue on our way to Oregon on foot. It's better this way. Just watch out for those rattlesnake bites.

Less Black Taco.

More Children Dressed Up In Phanatic Costumes In Front Of Child-Eating Tigers (via phillyzoo twitters).

Sincerely,

Me

Bike Lanes And YOU!

Here comes the wrath of God: the bike lanes are officially open today. In case you were unaware, the City of Philadelphia has removed one lane of traffic from both Spruce and Pine streets to allow for a lane for cycle-specific vehicles.

Unfortunately, people either 1. do not know or 2. do not care.

The radio was full of idiots this morning calling in to complain. One of the largest complaints was that the city is already congested enough and the motorists NEED those traffic lanes. "They go from river to river!" they cried.

I live on Spruce. I walk part of it almost every day. It's probably one of the least congested streets in all of Center City Proper. That's probably why the city picked those streets, instead of Chestnut or Walnut or Market. The volume of traffic on Spruce pales in comparison to Walnut, which runs in the same direction. Perhaps it will change. Perhaps the advent of the bike lane will cause more congestion in motor vehicle only lane on Spruce. Perhaps, but we will have to wait and see.

This morning I saw the bike lane being used as both a driving lane of traffic and a loading lane. The lanes are clearly marked on the street with a bike symbol. Since it's only the first official day, I guess I should give drivers a few days to figure it out. While clearly marked on the street, there are not a lot of signs up. I spied a crumbled "Bike Lane Coming Soon" paper sign strewn in the gutter the other day. You might want to consider a more permanent sign, Philadelphia.

The most unfortunate thing about these lanes, however, is the amount of bitterness and hatred it brings out in people. One woman even suggested hitting cyclists if you should see one in the driving lane when there is a bike lane available. She actually said that. She actually advocated for violent action against other human beings. On the radio. Not in her house, not in her car, on the radio.

In a city that is up in arms over the signing of Michael Vick, it makes me question something I read a few weeks ago, back when the signing was fresh (though, for the life of me, I cannot find to link back). But it made me think, do we value the lives of animals over the lives of other human beings? Perhaps it is because we believe dogs are defenseless when they are being strung up a tree. But how is a person on a bicycle NOT defenseless against a two-ton hunk of metal flying down the road at 30 MPH? Is it because we can easily write it of with a "they should have known"? As in, "they should have known to stay in their own lane and not get in my way." Because we can't share the road. No one wants to. We are all selfish, bikers, drivers, pedestrians alike. We all get around like we own the city streets, that it belongs to us, and that those other people are using it wrong or inefficiently, thus causing us to be inefficient. And God forbid that. We hold our own race to a higher standard, because we have our own thoughts, volition, and free will. Is that the reason for the disconnect? Because we can stand up for our rights, instead of barking for them?

Another caller said, "there are more of us than there are them." In other words, cyclists shouldn't have the right to their own bike lane because they are a minority.

I was wrong to call these people idiots. They do bring up valid concerns on congestion in the city. What they don't bring up is solutions. Everything, on both sides, is "mine, mine, mine." Again, because no one is willing to share the road. The city is not a wasteland that we can continually grow outwards. The city government can't just go around widening streets, knocking down blocks of homes and businesses just to accommodate a parking lane, two lanes of traffic, a bike lane, a sidewalk, and some buffers in between. Perhaps that would work in theory. Perhaps we could all get along if there was a giant expanse of road that allowed for everyone to travel at will at the same time. What would make this road even more amazing would be the lane for the subway/light rail/whatever. But it's all a theory, it would look totally ugly if it were actually implemented and the fact of the matter is that it can't be implemented. We just don't have that much land to dedicate to transportation. And why would we even want to?

Since we can't expand outwards exponentially, we must look for solutions within the confines of the grid. We need to look at ourselves and how our own actions are helping or hindering our city environment before getting caught up in a finger pointing of who's fault it is.

We can start by being nice. Or at the very least, being respectful of others. The bike lanes on Spruce and Pine are there, whether you like it or not. Do not use these lanes as your own personal vendetta against bikers or as a middle finger to The Man. Don't cut each other off so you can make the right hand turn first. And cyclists? Be appreciative and respectful of the cars on the road. You are a delicate being on delicate equipment up against a car who is the antithesis of delicate. In reality, it won't matter to you who's wrong or who's right if you're dead.

So, Philly, can we start there, by being more respectful towards the people in our own city? Can we?

***EDIT***

Center City Philadelphia has put up some thoughts about the bike lanes on their website. I wholeheartedly agree with each bullet point:

Center City’s topography makes this an easy city to bike in. But those cities that have built real bicycle cultures and made a significant mode shift in commuting patterns have built extensive communication systems, including:

• signs or road painting to indicate when drivers can enter the bike lane to
  make right turns;
• signs that warn drivers to yield to bikes when turning right and remind them
  in general that cyclists have equal rights to the road;
• Parking, standing, and stopping rules indicating limitations in the bike
  lane.
• Bikers also need education on when and how they should turn left from the
  bike lane, how to cross vehicular traffic to turn left and reminders that with
  safe streets, sidewalks are for pedestrians;

Oh, hello old friend! Oh, look at you, you're such a mess, you little blog, you.

you're all covered in dust and nobody's looked at you in months. poor thing, comb your hair. you look like you just rolled out of bed. frankly, you look a little like how i feel. let's agree to not channel courtney love, shall we?

it's been nearly a year since i moved back to the philly metropolitan area. almost to the date. september 20th, if i can recall correctly. so, hello year moving anniversary! let's reflect! hip hip hooray! reflection time! and what a perfect time for reflection, too, no? it's anniversary time, autumn equinox time, and i'm about to start 30 days of yoga at the Dhyana studios.

i was really excited about this yoga stuff for the past few days. really excited, until today. today, when i started to plan out my month of yoga classes in my google calendar. i've already noted three days where i'll have to do some home yoga practice in lieu of getting to a class. i've already noted that i can't possibly make ANY morning classes and still get to work on time. i've already planned a week of classes. and i'm about to cry. i'm completely overwhelmed. i'm worried that i can't do it. i'm worried that it'll hurt. i'm worried that my head will pound for days and i'll cry and won't be able to sleep and be totally exhausted and that the demons and toxins in my body will scream in agony as i exorcise them out with practice. i'd almost rather keep the crazy locked up behind bars in the cell of my body. strike that, i WOULD rather stay crazy and full of toxins; it's easier. i'm just that weak. but i've made the decision. i've told my friends. i can't not follow through now.

so naturally, i did the only thing that made sense and i googled it. read some other people's blogs about their bikram yoga 30 day journeys. it didn't make me feel better. i still have a headache. i still want to cry a little bit. i think i'm just going to go eat lunch instead. which stinks because i totally forgot my leftovers in the fridge at home. it's also particularly stupid of me because there were two options and they were both good (1. sam's market tomato pie or 2. palace at the ben chicken cashmere). boo. double boo.

actually, i lied. the only good thing about reading other people's blogs on 30-day bikram challenges are that those crazies were doing BIKRAM for a month. 100+ degree rooms filled with tough-as-nails teachers? screw that.

photo stolen from upi.com. whoops.