Clifton Phifer.

.

Ahhh, yes, Cliff Lee - the boogie man of Yankee fan dreams.

"In fact, if you listen close as you nestle in your bed tonight, you can probably hear him shutting someone out right now." New York Sports

Oh, is that because everyone in New York left the game early and was in bed before the game ended?  Is that what that means?

"All night, Section 407 in the upper deck was full of Phillies phans, all swaddled up in red on a chilly night. It looked like the section the team reserved for the players' families and friends. (To tell you how much the Yankees value the opposing team's fans, they put them next to the auxillary press box, as far away from home plate as you can get without actually being in Philadelphia.) In the top of the ninth inning, the section, that section, after an RBI single by Shane Victorino made the score 5-0, began chanting "Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!" The Stadium crowd, with half the crowd gone and the other half depressed, didn't even respond. For a few seconds, it was all you could hear."

All I have to say is, Dear GOD Philadelphia - you are IN.CRED.IBLE.  Look at those Yankees, thinking that they are smiting you with a godawful nosebleed section.  And look at you responding with all your years of upbrining in the 700 level of the Vet.  You did good, Phillies fans.

And now, Clifton Phifer Lee.  On repeat.

An Open Letter To Television Commercials

Dear TBS,

I have had enough.

I used to LOVE guacamole.

I used to LOVE taco bell (a very long time ago, but still).

I indeed HAVE DirecTv.

I am going to SCREAM and throw a remote control through my own television if I see one more cotdamn commercial involving Hess Avocados, Black Tacos, and Fairy Fucking Fergie one more time.

Can we please get some new commercials up in this joint? I don't care if they are piss poor and shoddily thrown together, but I need new material. I have been dreaming nightmaring about Fergie feeding me tacos filled with guac from an elephant for days on end now. It has to stop. I don't want to see another Black Taco. I dont want to look at a Black Taco slideshow. I dont want photoshopping Black Tacos taking over the world. Too much.

I must inform you all, it's time to hop off the Blacktacobandwagon. Let's just continue on our way to Oregon on foot. It's better this way. Just watch out for those rattlesnake bites.

Less Black Taco.

More Children Dressed Up In Phanatic Costumes In Front Of Child-Eating Tigers (via phillyzoo twitters).

Sincerely,

Me

WE WIN!!

i don't write about sports. for many reasons. mainly because i am a girl. and girls are not allowed to write about sports. or, if you DO write about sports, you have to be REALLY REALLY well-versed in sports. i am not well-versed in sports. i just love philly. and their sports teams. sans the sixers, but that's mostly just because i am too short to play bball and there was a scarring event in the first grade that i'd rather not get into involving that bright orange bouncing ball.

but ANYWAY. when i was in DC, i never wrote about sports. maybe that is because DC sports are sucky, i don't know. but now that i am in philadelphia, i simply can not not comment on the action that is going on right now.



the phils! are going! to the world series! duh, you knew that. what you don't know is that the last time this happened, i was in FOURTH grade. everything is glorious when you are in fourth grade. the city was excited and they threw a cap on Billy and everybody got even more excited, but you know how the story ends. then later, in seventh grade, the flyers went to the stanley cup. my dad took the whole beehive downtown and we all signed the flyers jersey that they dressed Billy up in. and you know how that story ends too.



so this year, philly says NO.
no more gimmicks.
no more crazy, stupid, shenanigans.
no more dressing billy up for halloween.



we're going to try something different this time. THIS YEAR, we're going to build a building bigger than any other building, including the building that started this whole curse shebang in the first place. AND, at our Topping Off Party, we're going to put a NEW Billy Penn up there, so that Bill is rightfully back on top. TAKE THAT, One Liberty Plaza. TAKE THAT, Dodgers. TAKE THAT, World!



so, the story remains untold, as of yet. but maybe, just maybe, Philly has found itself a new two foot tall good luck charm.

let me say two things.

well, first, let me say two things. then i'll say some more.

one - i like to say a lot of things. i like to think that i am right. i am twentysomething; i believe that is what we do. we think we are smarter than everyone else.

two - i hate to retract things that i say. even if they were stupid.

but sadly, i must retract part of my last entry.

you see, i left DC for a lot of reasons. one of the reasons i really made fun of everybody was because of their crackberries and their agendas and their needs to be connected to everything at every time. like obama text messages at 2am. or something equally as lame.

and i associate people with agendas with people with blackberries and the like, because really? who needs email on their phone?

i am a simple phone folk. i want my phone to call people. i also want text messaging capabilities. but that is all. i dont need a shitty-pixeled camera, or shake-to-shuffle ipod technology, or GPS or email on my phone. just a phone. all you people with your pixelated camera, shakey ipod shuffling, email receiving crazy phones, you can take your agendas to DC and have a grand 'ole time checking your email at the bar. woohoo. for me, no thank you.

so when i got to philly, i said THANK GODS FOR NO MORE AGENDA PEOPLE WITH THEIR PHONES WITH EMAIL!

and what do i get today at work? one of those damn new fangled phones with email. thanks, thanks new university job for making me feel agenda'ed. i also already have a breakfast meeting scheduled two weeks from now into my stupid email/schedule/camera/thing that sometimes will make a phone call or two. awesome.

so i must retract.

welcome to my newfound agenda'ed philly lifestyle.

ugh.