a suburban-city girl stumbling her way through central PA.


this is what watching the phils at my house is like:

"cole hamels, that's my boyfriennnnnd. shane victorino, that's my boyfriend. jayson werth, boyfriend." ticking off phillies boyfriends on her fingers, this bit comes from my mother, not my 20-something sister. her boyfriends are all hockey players.

seany bee: "wait... who's our shortstop?"
momma, poppa and me bee (in unison, because we do that): "jimmy rollins"
seany bee: "oh, i thought jroll was second base. who plays second base? OH! pat burrell!"
immediate phone call to other brother bee: "yo, guess what sean just said..."
poppa bee: "i hate casual fans"

i should also note that for some reason, the phillies game was on the living room tv, the den tv, and the master bedroom tv. i should also note that none of the tvs are sync'ed together. there is roughly a 2-3 second delay from the living room tv to the den tv and another 2-3 seconds from the den to the bedroom. so while chase utley was hitting a homerun in one room, he hadn't yet been thrown a pitch in the other. so it started with a "GO GO GO GO GO BABY GO" in one room to "SHUT UP, SHUT UP! WE HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YE---GOOO GOOO! THAT'S my boyfriend!" in the next. "see!? THIS is why baseball should be a family venture, Bee Family!" shouts little sean bee

"WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY, OLD MAN!?! IT'S JUST A WALK!" - my mother yelling at an 80 year old man waving his rally towel and saggy arm on national television.

"elmo's got new shooooooooes! elmo's got new shoooooooooo-ooooooooooes" this has nothing to do with the phils, with the exception that both are red.

"yeah, you steal that ball from them bitchessss, ryan" - again, the queen bee

"asshole! learn to spell! did you see that sign? he had a sign, on tv, it said 'puck philly.' PUCK! it's a 'PH,' YOU MORON!" - queenie
[from the next room] "some PEople are TRYing to SLEEP here, MOM!" -sean


Anonymous said...

Seester I only have 2 boyfriends one is a hockey player the other is a fireman/sailor dude.

As for my lovers on the side, yes they are all hockey players

Anonymous said...

Not gonna lie, I only started watching baseball because of a girl.