i suppose that this is a time of celebration. we’ve phinally won the world series, brought philly a title, strutted our way through broad street, lit dumpsters on fire. you know, the stuff that REALLY brings people together. the last time it was anywhere close to this – i was NINE. that’s not even double digits! i've had birthday parties the game, gotten the bobblehead "14 and under" giveaway when i was 18, been on dates to the phils. lawd. so we should be celebrating. it's what chase and ryan would want us to do.
which is why, with a heavy heart, i'm sad to announce this week's Philadelphia Asshole of the Week. it has to be done though. and the assholes aren't the ones who flipped over the planters or lit said dumpster on fire or even the moron kids who attempted to pull the hose away from the firefighters.
no, this week's buttmuncher is the one and only Pat Burrell.
you may have heard a thing or two about 'ole PB. whatever you've heard, it's true. he's a womanizing goosh. but beyond that, one can forgive his misguided whoredom. he IS a pro baseballer, after all.
but that's the not the kicker. the real kicker happened last night.
it's unclear exactly WHERE this occurred, my guess is somewhere around walnut/locust and 17th/18th. vague, i know. but it was not very populated, i think by a closed starbucks, we saw a mass crowd hooting and cheering. the crowd parts, and there stands PAT BURRELL. in the flesh, a mere 2 hours after the game ended. so we start in on the hootin' and hollerin' and picture taking. i have to apologize, my phone camera is only so good.
so anyway, there he is, standing in this COSBY CHRISTMAS SWEATER that looks like his mother sewed for him. it's got a snowflake on the front and this mountain pattern thing. i don't know - try to imagine it with that photo there.
so, christmas pat is here, in front of us, and we're going wild. i mean WE JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES AND HERE IS PAT BURRELL WHO GOT A HITTTT!
well, pat starts in on this, "cut it out, get out of my face, stop with the pictures, ENOUGH WITH THE PHOTOS" and is pushing people away and starts to walk away from the adoring fans. then he stops, turns around and asks "does anyone have a light?"
Really, pat? REALLY? You just won the world series and you’re being a dick to your fans and you stop to ask for a light and deny photographs? Go fug yourself. Apparently he told philly.com "I'm proud to say I play here," Burrell said. "I'm going to take it all in and I'm going to take it in for a long time." Yeah, okay. I guess a long time constitutes a half hour after the game, and when the press conferences stop.
well, pat, here you are, alone in the middle of philadelphia, probably because ryan howard doesn't want to hang with your lame ass. maybe you're tired of being famous, but uh, be tired tomorrow. today, or rather, last night - BE HAPPY. is that so much to ask for? for one flippin' night?
which is why, with a heavy heart, i'm sad to announce this week's Philadelphia Asshole of the Week. it has to be done though. and the assholes aren't the ones who flipped over the planters or lit said dumpster on fire or even the moron kids who attempted to pull the hose away from the firefighters.
no, this week's buttmuncher is the one and only Pat Burrell.
you may have heard a thing or two about 'ole PB. whatever you've heard, it's true. he's a womanizing goosh. but beyond that, one can forgive his misguided whoredom. he IS a pro baseballer, after all.
but that's the not the kicker. the real kicker happened last night.
it's unclear exactly WHERE this occurred, my guess is somewhere around walnut/locust and 17th/18th. vague, i know. but it was not very populated, i think by a closed starbucks, we saw a mass crowd hooting and cheering. the crowd parts, and there stands PAT BURRELL. in the flesh, a mere 2 hours after the game ended. so we start in on the hootin' and hollerin' and picture taking. i have to apologize, my phone camera is only so good.
so anyway, there he is, standing in this COSBY CHRISTMAS SWEATER that looks like his mother sewed for him. it's got a snowflake on the front and this mountain pattern thing. i don't know - try to imagine it with that photo there.
so, christmas pat is here, in front of us, and we're going wild. i mean WE JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES AND HERE IS PAT BURRELL WHO GOT A HITTTT!
well, pat starts in on this, "cut it out, get out of my face, stop with the pictures, ENOUGH WITH THE PHOTOS" and is pushing people away and starts to walk away from the adoring fans. then he stops, turns around and asks "does anyone have a light?"
Really, pat? REALLY? You just won the world series and you’re being a dick to your fans and you stop to ask for a light and deny photographs? Go fug yourself. Apparently he told philly.com "I'm proud to say I play here," Burrell said. "I'm going to take it all in and I'm going to take it in for a long time." Yeah, okay. I guess a long time constitutes a half hour after the game, and when the press conferences stop.
well, pat, here you are, alone in the middle of philadelphia, probably because ryan howard doesn't want to hang with your lame ass. maybe you're tired of being famous, but uh, be tired tomorrow. today, or rather, last night - BE HAPPY. is that so much to ask for? for one flippin' night?
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3 honeycombs:
that sums it up pretty much completely.
well done bee
Outstanding. Thanks for sharing with us!
Why yes, being proud to lay here absolutely does mean that you should be crowded by scary hundreds of people while trying to walk somewhere. My idea of fun is to have a mob come at me with camera flashes while trying to get a beer after work. Come on! People don't like being squished!
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